


war is loud, war is silent

by Thatbookishgirl



Series: Stars and Stripes [4]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bottom Bucky Barnes, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Bucky is a little shit, Coming In Pants, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Memories, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, One Shot, Smut, Top Steve Rogers, no angst ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 21:07:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10999011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatbookishgirl/pseuds/Thatbookishgirl
Summary: Bucky's memories have been coming back in increments. It is getting harder and harder for him to separate his memories from his dreams, only Steve can bring him clarity. But he's afraid that some of the dreams he has been having are just that - dreams. What will Steve say when he asks about all these intimate things that he hopes aren't just fantasies?





	war is loud, war is silent

                Steve has been sleeping fitfully. He had nightmares somewhat regularly, but lately they had been about Bucky. He kept imagining Bucky strapped to a table in Germany. Then he would see him trapped in the cryo chamber in Wakanda; screaming and trying to claw his way out and Steve could never get to him. But Bucky was in his own room across the hall, tucked safely into a comfortable bed. Bucky had been cleared by T’Challa and Steve brought him back to Brooklyn. They were staying in the tower until Bucky felt like the world was safe enough from him for them to get their own place. For now, they stuck close to the team. They had their own floor, each had their own room and Sam was in one of the guest rooms on the other side of living room. Steve liked their temporary situation. Watching Sam and Bucky bicker in the morning before they had coffee. Bucky always threw toast at Sam, Sam would steal his bacon. Things weren’t like they were before the war; they might never be. Bucky didn’t remember a lot. Steve would be patient. As patient as he needed to be.

                He had been drifting deeper into sleep when he shot awake by the feeling of a hand sliding up his arm. His eyes bolted open and he turned to see Bucky’s eyes glowing slightly in the dark.

                “Buck?” Steve whispered.

                “Sorry – I – dreams. Memories, maybe,” he managed in reply.

                “Nightmares?” Steve sought.

                “No. Not nightmares,” Bucky smirked a little. He shifted onto the bed and Steve made space for him. Bucky slid somewhat under the blankets and Steve turned on his side to stare at his best friend with sleepy eyes.

                “What was it?” he sighed, fingers itching to reach out.

                “Were we…I…” he trailed off, struggling for words, “It was winter. We were so cold in our little apartment, the radiator barely made the place any warmer. We – we pulled the mattress into the living room and pulled out all the blankets and coats and we bundled up real close. You were so small and you could fit right in my arms. You shivered so much and I was so afraid you’d get sick again. You thought I was asleep…you kissed my chest,” Bucky used two fingers to tap the space right above his heart, “You kissed me and said ‘I love you.’ Did that – did that happen?”

                Steve was frozen as he searched Bucky’s face. He looked for some recognition. He wanted to find recognition. He wanted something – anything. Because that did happen. That entire night was burned into his memory with sharp clarity.   

 

                _Bucky could hear Steve’s quiet words and the warmth from Steve’s lips against his chest. Steve thought he was asleep. Bucky had wanted to hear those words and feel those lips for ages. He held Steve each night and wanted so much from his best friend. He wanted gentle kisses and wandering hands and to love Steve like he deserved. After those words were spoken into the dark of their tiny apartment he wrapped his arms even tighter around Steve’s small body. He felt Steve tense. He knew Bucky was awake now._

_“Stevie?” Bucky whispered. Steve was stock still and said nothing. Bucky knew Steve was probably fighting with himself and feeling layers upon layers of guilt. He loosened his grip and trailed his hands down Steve’s back and to his front. His hand gently came up under Steve’s chin and tilted his face up. There wasn’t much light in the room, only scant illumination coming in from the moonlight outside._

_“I love you too,” Bucky pressed as he stared at Steve’s trembling lip._

_“Bucky? I – we can’t. It’s wrong,” Steve stumbled through his words. All he wanted to do was be wrapped up by the brunette._

_“Loving you could never be wrong,” Bucky’s face was closer now, he could feel Steve’s breath against his lips._

_“Father O’Malley said – “_

_“Father O’Malley and Father McLaughlin don’t really have any room to speak on whether two men loving each other is wrong,” Bucky chuckled, being intentionally obtuse about some information he had happened upon a few months prior._

_“What are you – “ Bucky cut Steve off again, but this time, it was with a firm and insistent kiss. Steve melted into it. He fisted his hands into the front of Bucky’s shirt and moaned as the kiss continued. Bucky’s lips were so soft and insistent. He wanted to exist in this moment forever. However, too soon, Bucky was pulling back. He looked up into those stormy eyes and saw immense joy._

_“How long?” Steve managed._

_“Since I knew what it was to love someone that wasn’t my ma,” Bucky snickered, “I remember the first time I realized how fuckin’ pretty you were.”_

_“Stop it, Buck,” Steve buried his face in Bucky’s neck._

_“Never. I’m not gonna stop kissin’ you either,” Bucky rolled them so that Steve’s body was beneath him. Steve gasped at the motion and found Bucky’s hands pulling at his shirt, “So beautiful, Stevie.”_

_“Not beautiful, Buck,” Steve frowned._

_“Shove it, punk. You’re so god damn beautiful. Wanna stare at you all day. Touch you all day. Never stop being with ya,” he confessed as he began to plant gentle kisses along Steve’s jaw. Steve gasped again and arched into the touch. Bucky’s hand was trailing along Steve’s chest and stomach before settling on the waistband of his pants._

_“Buck,” Steve groaned and ran his fingers through Bucky’s hair._

_“Stevie,” Bucky kissed the hollow of Steve’s throat and slid his hand into Steve’s pants._

 

                “That’s the last I remember, Steve. That happened? Tell me that happened,” Bucky was staring at Steve so intensely it took his breath away, much like that first kiss decades ago.

                “It did,” Steve cupped Bucky’s jaw and ran his thumb across the stubble softly.

                “And we did it again?” Bucky asked.

                “We did. After that we did it every day. You came home from the docks and kissed me each night. We went to bed and touched each other everywhere. We would go to the movies and sit in the back so you could kiss me in secret. You even took me dancing once. To one of those secret clubs in Chelsea. We got a little tipsy and made out in the alley behind the bar. Then we went home and – uh – we had sex for the first time,” Steve informed, his cheeks turning pink.

                “You let me take ya dancing?” Bucky smiled, “Were you any good?” Steve gave him a shove before pulling him back in. He settled Bucky onto his lap and pressed their foreheads together.

                “No. Kept stepping on your feet. But you just told me I was cute,” Steve sighed and shook his head.

                “When we got home?” Bucky pressed as he settled deeper into Steve’s lap. He could feel Steve beneath him and wanted to roll his hips and see how good he could make Steve feel. He had been having dreams about Steve for awhile, especially ones where they would kiss and make love. He thought they were just wet dreams at first before they became more detailed and specific. Then he realized they were memories. He had a dream the night before where he was sitting on Steve’s lap in a tent, both had dog tags hanging around their necks. He was riding Steve rough and hard as he bit down on Steve’s shirt to keep from screaming out. Steve’s head was thrown back as he held Bucky’s hips in his now large hands. The sound of war could be heard around them and in the distance. It was loud, but not as loud as the silence they were trying to wrap themselves in within that small tent.

                “When we got home…you laid me out on the bed. I thought you were gonna – you know – make me the ‘dame’,” Steve was still blushing furiously, “But you took out the slick and you crouched in front of me and opened yourself up. It was – god, Buck, the sounds you made. I almost shot off just watching you.”

                “Mmm,” was all Bucky said as he began to rotate his hips on top of Steve. He wanted to remember the first time he and Steve were together. He figured that might come with time. He decided he could make new memories in the meantime. He leaned forward and finally kissed Steve like he had dreamed. Those lips were as soft as he remembered and wanted. Steve’s hands moved to Bucky’s back and pulled him even closer as they kissed. He opened his mouth to swipe his tongue across Bucky’s lower lip. Soon he felt the wet heat of Bucky’s tongue and felt his chest expand. It was everything he remembered and needed. He had Bucky back in his arms.

                “Did I called you my babydoll?” Bucky whispered against Steve’s lips.

                “You did. After I got big though, you called me ‘sweetheart’ and ‘baby’ instead. Said I was too big to be your ‘babydoll.’ Missed you calling me that, though,” Steve revealed.

                “Still my babydoll,” Bucky grinned and put his hands on Steve’s chest. Steve just beamed up at him and rolled them so Bucky was beneath him now.

                “Couldn’t manhandle you like this when I was small. And you like it. You liked me throwin’ you around. Spent so long takin’ care of me and being so much bigger. You secretly wanted someone to toss you into bed, to pin you down, to rough you up a little. You loved it when bent you over my cot, always beggin' for me to give it to you harder,” Steve’s eyes darkened as he remembered the first time he was big enough to actually hold Bucky down. They were in France, some old hotel room while they were hiding out. He had picked Bucky up and held him against the wall while he took the man apart. The floral wallpaper was peeling and everything smelled a bit like roses. They could hear the sound of laughter coming up from the streets through their open window. He had his hands over his head while he fucked Bucky hard and deep, legs wrapped tightly around his middle.

                “Fuck, Steve,” Bucky moaned and pulled the blonde into another kiss. Steve was rolling his hips against Bucky’s, their erections rubbing together through the thin fabric of their sleep pants. They continued to kiss while Bucky’s hand cupped the globe of Steve’s ass, pressing their hips together harder. They continued like this, kissing desperately and humping each other like teenagers. Bucky pulled at Steve’s shirt before he took the hint and took it off. Bucky touched Steve’s chest and felt the hard muscle beneath his soft skin.

                “Bucky. Baby,” Steve breathed out and rolled his hips quicker.

                “Gonna pop off in a minute if you keep this up,” Bucky bowed his back off the bed and held Steve tight.

                “That’s ok. Wanna see you. We have all the time we need now. No one is gonna stop us now,” Steve punctuated with a few thrusts and watched as Bucky’s face twisted in pleasure. Steve felt heat pool in his gut and let the familiar sensation wash over him. “Come on, Buck. Come for me.” Steve practically begged as Bucky’s breathing grew erratic. It came quicker and soon his whole body seized and he moaned out long and loud. Steve watched as Bucky’s mouth fell open. Steve pressed their lips together again with a dirty, open-mouthed kissed. Steve came soon after him. Both were slightly embarrassed by coming in their pants like they were still teenagers, but they could barely be bothered to care.

                “Need a shower,” Bucky laughed, breaking the silence.

                “Then let’s take one. Together,” Steve brushed Bucky’s hair behind his ear and gave him a chaste kiss, “So, you don’t remember much about us then?”

                “I remember when we were kids. I see flashes of us as adults. Mighta dreamt about riding you in the barracks. Guessing that was a memory now,” he explained as Steve pulled him out of the bed and tugged him along to the bathroom. They stripped each other slowly and never stopped touching, not even when Steve turned on the shower and waited for it to be the scalding hot temperature he tended to prefer.

                “Then I should probably remind you about what I used to do you in the shower,” Steve smirked as he led Bucky under the warm spray.

                “You should?” Bucky cocked a brow.

                “I should,” Steve winked before dropping to his knees and staring up at his partner. Bucky gaped and felt his cock twitch at the site.

                “Oh, fuck,” he moaned out as Steve worked to remind him how well he knew Bucky’s body.

 

                The next morning Sam was drinking coffee with Tony and Natasha in the common area. They were all barely awake and quietly watching the news as Tony sorted through files on his Starkpad. Sam was getting up for a second cup when Steve and Bucky joined them all in the morning. Both men were smiling warmly and Tony raised both his eyebrows at them.

                “Well, you look chipper. Don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile, Barnes,” Tony observed.

                “What can I say? A fantastic blow job can do wonders,” Bucky shrugged as he poured himself some coffee as Steve promptly spat his out and choked.

                “Excuse me?” Sam tilted his head.

                “What? Would that not put you in a good mood?” Bucky snickered and pat Steve’s back, the blonde blushing and looking away from his teammates.

                “I – what?” Tony stared, face twisted in confusion.

                “Buck,” Steve whispered a half-hearted warning.

                “Come on, Stevie. Last I checked, we don’t gotta hide anymore,” he wrapped his arm around Steve’s waist and pulled him in for a kiss, not caring about their audience.

                “I am learning so much about you, Capsicle,” Tony crossed his arms over his chest.

                “Now I know why you turned down all those women I set you up with,” Natasha smirked.

                “Yea, well. I promised to stick by him until the end of the line,” Steve looked at Bucky and grabbed his hand, bringing his knuckles to his lips.

                “This has been going on since before the war?” Sam asked.

                “I was 17 the first time we kissed,” Bucky informed.

                “You have been together for damn near 80 years then. Ya’ll can get married now. You know that, right?” Sam grinned, “As soon as Pepper finds out she’s going to plan everything down to the last detail for you. I call best man.”

                “I’ll be Bucky’s best man then,” Natasha chirped.

                “I’m sorry, are you just deciding that we’re getting married?” Steve laughed, “I don’t think either of us has thought that far ahead.”

                “Speak for yourself,” Bucky murmured. Steve whipped his head to look at him in surprised. Bucky just bit his lip and pulled Steve in for another kiss. He had thought about it. After their shower when they crawled back into bed, all Bucky could think about was their future spreading out in front of them. He could marry Steve now, if he wanted. He did want. He wanted to marry Steve, buy a house with him, maybe raise a family and slowly grow old together. It was something he had thought about when they were younger but knew could never happen. They had a chance now.

                “When you sell your life rights and they make a movie about your decades-long romance that survived war and death it will make more money than I have. Holy shit,” Tony said, still bewildered.

                “No one wants to make a movie about us,” Steve deadpanned.

                “Oh. I disagree,” Natasha mumbled and looked down at her phone. When they two weren’t paying attention, she had snapped a picture and promptly sent it to Clint, Wanda, and Peter. Peter, in turn, showed Wade. Who then posted it all over Twitter. They were trending in a matter of 5 minutes. Bucky and Steve don’t seem to mind.   


End file.
